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I give you full liberty to make my instructions as public as possible; and for two reasons-first, that the world may revere the able system by which my life has been regulated; and secondly, that my code, being widely diffused, may offer encouragement and emulation to many young and promising scions of fashion; and perhaps a sect may arise in after-times, who, under the name of Dalrympleites, will hand down my name and rules of life to an admiring and grateful posterity.

"Political economy has long since decided that mankind are divided into producers and consumers; and when it can be proved that a man is a producer, he has a right to exact from society an equivalent for what he produces. No man has produced more than myself, and no man, therefore, has had a right to expect and exact more from society. You will ask, how does a man of fashion produce? Suspend your admiration for awhile, and I will

'A round unvarnished tale deliver

Of my whole course of life; what plans, what modes,
What general principles, what well-aid schemes,
(For such proceedings you will read of here,)
I have laid down and followed.'


"It is true that your man of mode' does not sully his ideas or his fingers with dirty trade or polluting manufactures; you do not see him east of Temple Bar, (I think I am right in my appellation of the locale) buying and selling goods,' as they are termed; you do not find him sweating under the eye of Phoebus,' in the harvest field, nor shivering over the fallows in the depth of winter, unless it be after a hare or a woodcock; he does not wear his brain with coining new inventions, or introducing new materials of trade. Pah! my very gorge rises' at the thought. But if he does not toil in commerce, labour at trade, or fatigue himself in 'business,' he is not the less a 'producer.' He rises about twelve o'clock, and lounges over his breakfast, letters, newspapers, and dressing, till three o'clock; and by thus remaining at home lessens the number of idlers who throng the streets in the morning and obstruct the way of the busy. Thus he is productive of convenience. His dress, which fits, really fits, one of the first order of fine forms,' gives éclat and business to his tailor-production again! The tie and material of his neckcloth give eminence to his haberdasher-produce again! The make and extraordinary lustre of his boots confer immortality on his boot-maker-more production! His hat is unique, his bijouterie recherchée; and thus does he not only encourage trade in propriâ persona, but, by creating a rivalry amongst the men of his caste, he helps all his sufferers' to secure fame, business, and fortune. Is not this the noblest species of produce? He walks out; if he pause at a shop to admire for a moment, that tradesman is a made man. If he pronounce his fiat on the build of a britchka, happy is the maker thereof-ready shall he be to meet the Saturday's demands of his artificers, and joyous in the very presence of the tax-gatherer. He says the last new opera is divine,' and crowded houses ensue. He admires the last new novel, and six editions follow. He levels his glass at a belle rolling by in a tonish carriage, and she becomes the lovely and fascinating Miss Dof The Morning Post, the graceful and accomplished débutante of the season,' of The Court Journal.' If this be not production, the Feb.-VOL. XXXIV. NO. CXXXIV.




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word is a juggle, and Adam Smith may be despised, Ricardo forgotten, Sadler be shelved, and Malthus be burnt by the hands of the common hangman.

"Society, then, must pay this class of producers, these élite of the nation, these models for imitation-these, the 'glass of fashion, and the mould of form-the observed of all observers,' -men who, by their manners and taste, ornament whatever spot they honour with their presence, and are perpetually productive.

"I come now to the details of the system of political and individual economy which I have maintained in my own person, and which appear to me unimpeachable either in fact or morality.

"Every distingué represents, in the sum total of national wealth, a certain capital, whose value is proportioned to the physical qualities with which nature has endowed him, and to the moral qualities called forth by education. As these merits are more or less developed, so we may divide the class of 'exclusives,' of which I am treating, into three; viz.

"Ist. That class to whom society owes a capital of 100,0007. or 5000l. a-year; 2nd. that class to whom society owes a capital of 50,000l. or 2,500l. a-year; 3rd. and last class, to whom society owes a capital of 25,000l. or 1,250l. a-year. But as I shall only refer to class number 1, of which I was a distinguished member, it will be necessary to remember that the two others are, in all calculations, to be taken in the proportions of 25 and 50 to 100.

"This premised, we lay it down as an axiom indisputable as any of Euclid's, that a man 6 comme il faut' of the first class is a creditor on society for 50007. a-year; and I will say, that he is an injured individual if he spend one sixpence less; he is the victim of the society in the midst of which he dwells, and it is a false delicacy on his part to economise upon this revenue.


My aim, my dear nephew, is to teach you the true and honourable mode of collecting the income in question, and I believe I may take some credit to myself for being the first man who has reduced the theory to practice, and made a digest of the laws. This will constitute the first part of my instructions, and may be called the art of running in debt.' This 'art' necessarily superinduces another, which will be my sequel, the art of making creditors wait:' and this latter art is to be understood thus:-if a man comme il faut' represents a capital of 100,000l. this capital is the strict limit of the claim he has on society. This is the exact measure of his conscience, and the man who would transgress these bounds, I have no hesitation in pronouncing a scoundrel. He must, in honour, incur no debt beyond 5000l. a-year. I would make the excess felony without benefit of clergy; but within that sum he may legitimately make his creditors wait.


"But now to my digest, my code, my Pandecta Dalrympleiensia." "1st. Of a man comme il faut. Do not think that every man is qualified to become a man comme il faut. Before any individual commences this career, he should devote himself to a profound consideration and estimate of his capabilities and endowments, and scrutinize deeply, and without self-love, all his qualifications, whether of nature or education. He must be deeply imbued with the truth of

that divine precept yvwo σeavтov. Upon calculation, I do not think that in our mighty population, the proportion of men 'comme il faut' of the three classes is as one in 1500, nor of the élite of those classes more than one in 5000; and I draw this conclusion,-that my income was derivable at about the same ration, that is, that 500 persons contributed 17. each annually to my support, which is not equal to three of the low and vulgar coin, nominated farthings, (usually pronounced 'farden') per diem from each individual.

"Now I will suppose that you have not a stiver of real income. You wish to know if you belong, legitimately, to this class of creditors. You must then submit to a severe examination, which will bear on the following points.

"Ist. Physical qualities. 2nd. Education.

"3rd. Disposition and character.

"This examination is of the most vital importance. Distrust yourself: beware of neutrality in your scrutiny, and self-love in your decision, or else the consequences will be fatal-it will be the high road to a prison. Rather fear than excel in your qualifications. Remember, there is an examination before a man is admitted to law, divinity, or medicine, and why not to a pursuit so distinguished as that which I profess? Do not therefore confer your diploma on yourself upon a light or preliminary catechism, or society will demand, and with usury, on your repose and liberty, the 5000l. a year which you have had from it, and which it will only pay to a 'sujet distingué, from whose endowments and talents she expects compensation.

Physical qualities.-A man comme il faut,' who is without money or estate, ought to be richly endowed by nature. On this head I have a multitude of novel ideas to communicate, which have never occurred to any of the moralists and philosophers my predecessors.


"Property has been hitherto ill-defined by the laws, and its domain is really very different from that usually assigned to it. The law tells you, that property is moveable, and stationary; and narrowminded persons have made it dependent on the possession of a greater or less number of acres; of plate, furniture, gold, silver, goods and chattels; thus, in their limited system, estimation, credit, and education, are contingent on a measure, a weight, and an inventory. Nothing can be more fallacious than this theory. The fact is that, independently of these elements of property, which I do not deny have their due value, there are others infinitely more real and incontestable for instance :


"From twenty-five to forty years of age;-height, from five feet ten inches to six feet;-thirty-two sound and white teeth;-a constitution of iron;-digestion of an ostrich ;-broad shoulders and narrow waist;-full and curling whiskers;-fine eyes.

"These, I term real and substantial property, and moreover property, which is our own by nature, not to be taken from us by any decree of law, nor any caprice of man. These qualifications, which are born and must die with us, form a large share of the claim which the man' comme il faut has on society, and his conscience will incur no reproach if he values his property as follows:

"From twenty-five to forty years of age, ought to stand all over England, but particularly in London, for




Height, from five feet ten inches to six feet "Thirty-two sound and white teeth


"A constitution of iron


Digestion of an Ostrich

"Broad shoulders and narrow waist
"Full and curling whiskers
"Fine eyes

"1. Education by books.

"2. Education by the eyes.

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"Total of the natural property representing a capital of £26,000 "What economist can dispute this valuation? I estimate the items at the lowest possible standard, and I know there will be many who will think I have underrated some qualities and forgotten others, but I was always a moderate person.

"Education. Moral qualities. All born out of the working classes receive some sort of education. I divide education into two kinds.







"Education by books supplies but few recruits to the ranks of the comme il faut. It supposes individuals who are studious, who know French like Voltaire, Latin like Cicero, Greek like Thucydides, and all the dialects of the earth like Dr. Bowring. These men are learned in mathematics, and profound in astronomy; they are exact, to a letter, in a quotation, or in a date of history; a barbarism gives them a fever, an illogical deduction the cholic, and an anachronism the cholera. Of what use are such? They are but the rats of science, who live on the great man's crumbs. They dwell in a triangle, dine on a proposition, sup on a problem, and sleep on the solution. Telescope in hand, they contemplate the stars as their theatre, and go to an evening party with the constellations, having Jupiter for their friend and Venus for their mistress. A pair of slippers, a Welsh wig, and a penny loaf, are sufficient for such drones.

"The education of the eyes is the most fitting for men comme il faut,' and is now in the most general use. This education presupposes that a man has had some prior instruction. He can read, write, and cipher. Knows the names of most sciences, the places where they are taught, and the appellations of the eminent persons of the day. He has acquired a certain collection of words habitually, is aware that Cicero was an orator, Virgil a poet, that Ovid had a long nose, and that Horace was short: that Seneca was a moralist, Persius wrote squibs which nobody reads, and Juvenal was a jolly fellow, who, when too old to enjoy life, satirized it. He must remember that Titus Livius is verbose, Sallust energetic, Tacitus profound and concise. This is more information of ancient authors than half the great talkers of the day know. The man comme il faut must know by sight all the great personages of his day, and have their names familiar in his mouth as household words; he must be a member of a crack club; be known himself to every body; he must become a critic in cookery, and a judge of horseflesh; he must have travelled sufficiently to know that Paris is the capital of France, and that

Athens is not in Yorkshire; he must have acquired some smattering of modern languages, and be sufficient of a geographer to know what countries his wines come from. The sum of an education thus accomplished, may be estimated as a capital of 24,000l., which, added to the sum for his natural qualifications, makes exactly half the claim on society of' un sujet distingué.;'

"Disposition. A man's character is made up of spleen and liveliness. What is termed a bad temper arises solely from mismanagement in the control of our spleen and our suavity. Let us suppose these to be divided into the following proportions


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50 in the 100

50 in the 100


100, representing the

whole disposition.

"Now let it be clearly understood, that if, during the day, you dispense your spleen and suavity indiscriminately; if you allow them to be developed by sensations, emotions, or surprises, it must follow necessarily that you will sometimes be splenetic when you should smile, and smile when you might legitimately be splenetic. All the secret of true discretion in obtaining a reputation for a good or bad temper, consists in the able management of your spleen and your suavity. Have them both at command, in packets of equal proportions. The suavity you should distribute to all who approach you. From the instant a living soul is with you, say and do all the pleasantries in your power: the instant he leaves you, and you are alone, you may give vent to all your spleen in soliloquy. By this method you will contract a habit of being agreeable to all the world, and will acquire for yourself a reputation as a man of admirable wit, and a temper (pour ainsi dire) unruffleable-a most incalculable attraction and advantage. Your physiognomy takes its hue and adaptation from this habit of hilarity. Your mouth learns the true and joyous smile, which fixes its abode there at the due hour, and constantly exposes to human eyes sixteen of your two-and-thirty teeth, white as ivory, and valuable as gold. This, however, can only be attained by long study, aided by resolution. It must not be a caricature visage, with one side smiling, and the other in sorrow, or in anger, but your face must be one integral smile, undivided, irreproachable, irresistible!

"As to the spleen, that must be expended on yourself alone, and when alone. Curse and swear at your ease in bed; scold when alone in a coach, or a dark street at night; and if the fit comes on you, quit your society, however fascinating, and, taking a lonely promenade, give vent to your vexations and your d-ns out of mortal sight or mortal ken.

"In estimating the character at 100, you must regulate yourself by this tarif. The happiest dispositions are those which receive from nature 100 parts of suavity, and who, as a necessary consequence, laugh even in their sleep. The most untractable characters are those who have from nature 100 parts of spleen, and they scold even whilst they dream. The medium is the fifty of each; but note carefully that there is no man comme il faut possessed of less than the mean

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