matter I can't remember-so what does all this mean? Did you hoax the noble Lord as well as the Horse Guards, Harry?" This was indeed a piece of news for me; I stammered out some ridiculous explanation, and promised a fuller detail. Could it be that I had done the Callonbys injustice, and that they never intended to break off my attentions to Lady Jane-that she was still faithful, and that of all concerned, I alone had been to blame. Oh! how I hoped this might be the case; heavily as my conscience might accuse, I longed ardently to forgive and deal mercifully with myself. Tom continued to talk about indifferent matters, as these thoughts flitted through my mind; perceiving at last that I did not attend, he stopped suddenly and said "Harry, I see clearly that something has gone wrong, and perhaps, I can make a guess at the mode too; but however, you can do nothing about it now; come and dine with me to-day, and we'll discuss the affair together after dinner; or if you prefer a "distraction," as we used to say in Dunkerque, why then, I'll arrange something fashionable for your evening's amusement. Come, what say you to hearing Father Keough preach, or would you like a supper at the Carlingford, or perhaps, you prefer a soiree chez Miladi; for all of these Dublin affords-all three good in their way, and very intellectual." "Well Tom, I'm your's; but I should prefer your dining with me; I am at Bilton's; we'll have our cutlet quite alone, and "And be heartily sick of each other, you were going to add. No, no, Harry; you must dine with me; I have some remarkably nice people to present you to-six is the hour-sharp six-number Molesworth-street, Mrs. Clanfrizzle's-easily find it-large fanlight over the door-huge lamp in the hall, and a strong odour of mutton broth for thirty yards on each side of the premises and as good luck would have it, I see old Daly, the counsellor, as they call him, he's the very man to get to meet you, you always liked a character, hah!" Saying this, O'Flaherty disengaged himself from my arm, and hurried across the street towards a portly middle aged looking gentleman, with the reddest face I ever beheld. After a brief but very animated colloquy, Tom returned, and informed me that all was right; he had secured Daly. "And who is Daly?" said I, enquiringly, for I was rather interested in hearing what peculiar qualification as a diner out, the counsellor might lay claim to, many of Tom's friends being as remarkable for being the quizzed as the quizzers. Daly," said he, "is the brother of a most distinguished member of the Irish bar, of which he himself is also a follower, bearing however, no more resemblance to the clever man than in name, for as assuredly as the reputation of the one is inseparably linked with success, so unerringly is the other coupled with failure, and strange to say, that the stupid man is fairly convinced that his brother owes all his success to him, and that to his disinterested kindness the other is indebted for his present exalted station. Thus it is through life; there seems ever to accompany dulness a sustaining power of vanity, that like a life-buoy keeps a mass afloat, whose weight, unassisted, would sink into obscurity. Do you know that my friend Denis, then, imagines himself the first man that ever enlightened Sir Robert Peel as to Irish affairs; and upon my word, his reputation on this head stands incontestably higher than on most others." "You surely cannot mean that Sir Robert Peel ever consulted with, much less relied upon, the statements of such a person, as you described your friend Denis to be ?" "He did both-and if he was a little puzzled by the information, the only disgrace attaches to a government that send men to rule over us, unacquainted with our habits of thinking, and utterly ignorant of the language-aye, I repeat it but come, you shall judge for yourself; the story is a short one, and fortunately so, for I must hasten home to give timely notice of your coming to dine with me. When the present Sir Robert Peel, then Mr. Peel, came over here, as secretary to Ireland, a very distinguished political leader of the day, invited a party to meet him at dinner, consisting of men of different political leanings; among whom were, as may be supposed, many members of the Irish bar; the elder Daly was too remarkable a person to be omitted, but as the two brothers resided together, there was a difficulty about getting him, however, he must be had, and the only alternative that presented itself was adopted-both were invited. When the party descended to the dining-room, by one of those unfortunate accidents, which as the proverb informs us, occasionally take place in the best regulated establishments, the wrong Mr. Daly got placed beside Mr. Peel, which post of honor had been destined by the host for the more agreeable and talented brother. There was now no help for it; and with a heart somewhat nervous for the consequences of the proximity, the worthy entertainer sat down to do the honors as best he might; he was consoled during dinner, by observing that the devotion bestowed by honest Denis on the viands before him, effectually absorbed his faculties, and thereby threw the entire of Mr. Peel's conversation towards the gentleman on his other flank. This happiness was like most others, destined to be a brief one. As the dessert made its appearance, Mr. Peel began to listen with some attention to the conversation of the persons opposite; with one of whom he was struck most forcibly-so happy a power of illustration, so vivid a fancy, such logical precision in argument, as he evinced, perfectly charmed and surprised him. Anxious to learn the name of so gifted an individual, he turned towards his hitherto silent neighbour, and demanded who he was.' " “Who is he, is it?" said Denis, hesitatingly, as if he half doubted such extent of ignorance, as not to know the person alluded to. Mr. Peel bowed in acquiescence. "That's Bushe!" said Denis, giving at the same time the same sound to the vowel, u, as it obtains when occurring in the word "rush." "I beg pardon," said Mr. Peel, "I did not hear." "Bushe!" replied Denis, with considerable energy of tone. Ay, the juries." "Can you oblige me, by giving me any idea of the manner in which he obtains such signal success, in this difficult branch of eloquence.” "I'll tell ye," said Denis, leisurely finishing his glass, and smacking his. lips, with the air of a man girding up his loins for a mighty effort. “ I'll tell ye-well, ye see the way he has is this,"— here Mr. Peel's expectation rose to the highest degree of interest,-"the way he has is this-he first butthers them up, and then sliddhers them down! that's all, devil a more of a secret there's in it." How much reason Denis had to boast of imparting early information to the new secretary, I leave my English readers to guess; my Irish ones, I may trust, to do him ample justice. CHAP. XII. DUBLIN THE BOARDING-HOUSE-SELECT SOCIETY. PUNCTUAL to my appointment with O'Flaherty, I found myself, a very few minutes after six o'clock, at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's door. My very authoritative summons at the bell was answered by the appearance of a young pale-faced invalid, in a suit of livery, the taste of which bore a very unpleasant resemblance to the one I so lately figured in. It was with considerable difficulty I persuaded this functionary to permit my carrying my hat with me to the drawing-room-a species of caution on my part—as he esteemed it-savouring much of distrust. This point, however, I carried, and followed him up a very ill-lighted stair to the drawing-room; here I was announced by some faint resemblance to my real name, but sufficiently near to bring my friend Tom at once to meet me, who immediately congratulated me on my fortune in coming off so well; for that the person who preceded me, Mr. Jones Blenner hasset, had been just announced as Mr. Blatherhashit-a change the gentleman himself was not disposed to adopt-but come along, Harry, while we are waiting for Daly, let me make you known to some of our party; this, you must know, is a boarding-house, and always has some capital funqueerest people you ever met-I have only one hint-cut every man, woman, and child of them, if you meet them hereafter I do it myself, though I have lived here these six months. Pleasant people, thought I, these must be, with whom such a line is advisable, much less practicable. “Mrs. Clanfrizzle, my friend Mr. Lorrequer; thinks he'll stay the summer in town. Mrs. Clan should like him to be one of us." This latter was said sotto voce, and was a practice he continued to adopt in presenting me to his several friends through the room. Miss Riley, a horrid old fright, in a bird of paradise plume, and corked eyebrows, gibbetted in gilt chains and pearl ornaments, and looking as the grisettes, say "superb en chrysolite" Miss Riley, Captain Lorrequer, a friend I have long desired to present to you, "fifteen thousand a-year and a baronetcy, if he has sixpence"-sotto again. Surgeon M'Cullogh-he likes the title, said Tom in a whisper-Surgeon, Captain Lorrequer. By the bye, lest I forget it, he wishes to speak to you in the morning about his health; he is stopping at Sandymount for the baths; you could go out there, eh! The tall thing in green spectacles bowed and acknowledged Tom's kindness by a knowing touch of the elbow. In this way he made the tour of the room for about ten minutes, during which brief space I was, according to the kind arrangements of O'Flaherty, booked as a resident in the boarding-house-a lover to at least five elderly, and three young, ladies-a patient-a client-a second in a duel to a clerk in the postoffice; and had also volunteered (through him always) to convey, by all of his Majesty's mails, as many parcels, packets, band-boxes, and bird-cages, as would have comfortably filled one of Pickford's vans. All this he told me was requisite to my being well receiv ed, though no one thought much of any breach of compact subsequently; exkept Mrs. Clan herself. The ladies had, alas! been often treated vilely before; the doctor had never had a patient; and as for the belligerent knight of the dead office, he'd rather die than fight any day. The last person to whom my friend deemed it necessary to introduce me, was a Mr. Ganet Cudmore, from the Reeks of Kerry, lately matriculated to all the honours of freshmanship in the Dublin university. This latter was a low-sized, dark-browed man, with round shoulders, and particularly long arm, the disposal of which seemed sadly to distress him. He possessed the most perfect voice of brogue I ever listened to; but it was difficult to get him to speak, for, on coming up to town some weeks before, he had been placed by some intelligent friend at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establishment, with the express direction to mark and thoroughly digest as much as he could of the habits and customs of the circle about him, which he was rightly informed was the very focus of good breeding and haut ton; but on no account, unless driven thereto by the pressure of sickness, or the wants of nature, to trust himself with speech, which, in his then uninformed state, he was assured would inevitably ruin him among his fastidiously cultivated associates. To the letter and the spirit of the despatch he had received, the worthy Ganet acted rigidly, and his voice was scarcely ever known to transgress the narrow limits prescribed by his friends. In more respects than one was this a good resolve; for so completely had he identified himself with college habits, things, and phrases, that, whenever he conversed, he became little short of unintelligible to the vulgarnot the less difficult, as his dialect was rendered by his amazing provincialism of pronunciation. My round of presentation was just completed, when the pale figure in light blue livery announced Counsellor Daly and dinner, for both came fortunately together. Taking the post of honour, Miss Riley's arm, I followed Tom, who I soon perceived ruled the whole concern; as he led the way with another ancient vestal in black satin and bugles, the long procession wound its snake-like length down the narrow stair, and into the dining-room, when at last we all got seated; and here let me briefly exonerate the motives of my friend, should any unkind person be found to impute to his selection of a residence, any base and grovelling passion for gourmandaire; that day's experience should be an eternal vindication of him. The soup-alas! that I should so far prostitute the word; for the black broth of Sparta was mock turtle in comparison-retired to make way for a mass of beef, whose tenderness I did not question; for it sank beneath the knife of the carver like a feather bed; the skill of Saladin himself would have failed to divide it. The fish was a most rebellious pike, and nearly killed every loyal subject at table; and then down the sides were various comestibles of chickens, with azure bosoms, and hams with hides like a rhinoceros; covered dishes of decomposed vegetable matter, called spinach and cabbage; potatoes arrayed in small masses, and browned, resembling those ingenious architectural structures children raise in the highways, of mud, and call dirt-pies. Such were the chief constituents of the "feed" and such, I am bound to confess, waxed beautifully less under the vigorous onslaught of the party. The conversation soon became both loud and general. That happy familiarity which I had long believed to be the exclusive prerogative of a military mess, where constant daily associations sustains the interest of the veriest trifles-I here found in a perfection I had not anticipated; with this striking difference, that there was no absurd deference to any existing code of etiquette in the conduct of the party generally, each person quizzing his neighbour in the most free and easy style imaginable; and all, evidently from long habit and conventional usage, seeming to enjoy the practice exceedingly. Thus, droll allusions, good stories, and smart repartees, fell thick as hail, and twice as harmless, which any where else that I had ever heard of, would assuredly have called for more explanations, and perhaps gunpowder, in the morning, than usually are deemed agreeable. Here, how ever, they knew better; and, though the lawyer quizzed the doctor for never having another patient than the house dog, all of whose arteries he had tied in the course of the winter for practice and the doctor retorted as heavily, by showing that the lawyer's practice had been other than beneficial to those for whom he was concerned his one client being found guilty, mainly through his ingenious defence of him; yet they never showed any, the slightest, irritation on the contrary, such Hittle playful badinage ever led to some friendly passages of taking wine toge ther, or in arrangements for a party to the " Dargle," or " Dunleary ;" and thus went on the entire party, the young ladies darting an occasional slight at their elders, who certainly returned the fire, often with advantage; all uniting, now and then, however, in one common cause, an attack of the whole line upon Mrs. Clanfrizzle herself; for the beef, or the mutton, or the fish, or the poultry-each of which was sure to find some sturdy defamer, ready and willing to give evidence in dispraise. Yet even these, and I thought them rather dangerous questions, led to no more violent results than dignified replies from the worthy hostess, upon the goodness of her fare, and the evident satisfaction it afforded while being eaten, if the appetites of the party were a test. While this was at its height, Tom stooped behind my chair, and whispered gently "This is good-isn't it, eh ?-life in a boarding house-quite new to you; but they are civilized now compared to what you'll find them in the drawingroom. When short whist for fivepenny points sets in-then Greek meets Greek, and we'll have it." During all this melée tournament, I perceived that the worthy jib, as he would be called in the parlance of Trinity, Mr. Cudmore, remained perfectly silent, and apparently terrified. The noise, the din of voices, the laughing, so completely addled him, that he was like one in a very horrid dream. The attention with which I had observed him, having been remarked by my friend O'Flaherty, he informed me that the scholar, as he was called there, was then under a kind of cloud-an adventure which occurred only two nights before, being too fresh in his memory to permit him enjoying himself even to the limited extent it had been his wont to do. As illustrative, not only of Mr. Cudmore, but the life I have been speaking of, I may as well select it. Soon after Mr. Cudmore's enlistment under the banners of the Clanfrizzle, he had sought and found an asylum in the drawing-room of the establishment, which promised, from its geographical relations, to expose him less to the molestations of conversation than most other parts of the room. This was a small recess beside the fireplace, not uncommon in old-fashioned houses, and which, from its incapacity to hold more than one, secured to the worthy recluse the privacy he longed for; and here, among superannuated 66 hearth-brushes, an old hand screen, an asthmatic bellows, and a kettle-holder, sat the timid youth, alone, but in a crowd." Not all the seductions of loo, limited to threepence, nor even that at which he was kindly and appropriately informed he could play, "whist," could withdraw him from his blest retreat. Like his countryman, St. Kevin -my friend Petrie has ascertained that the saint was a native of Tralee-he fled from the temptations of the world, and the blandishments of the fair; but, alas! like the saint himself, the "poor jib little knew All that wily sex can do ;" For while he hugged himself in the security of his fastness, the web of his destiny was weaving. So true is it, as he himself used, no less pathetically than poetically to express it, "misfortune will find you out, if ye were hid in a "tay chest." It happened that in Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establishment, the" enfant bleu," already mentioned, was the only individual of his sex retained; and without for a moment disparaging the ability or attentions of this gifted person, yet it may reasonably be credited, that in waiting on a party of twentyfive or thirty persons at dinner, all of whom he had admitted as porter, and announced as maitre d' hotel, with the subsequent detail of his duties in the drawing-room, that Peter, blue Peter, -his boarding-house soubriquet-not enjoying the bird-like privilege of "being in two places at once," gave one rather the impression of a person of hasty and fidgety habits-for which nervous tendency the treatment he underwent was certainly injudicious -it being the invariable custom for each guest to put his services in requisition, perfectly irrespective of all other claims upon him, from whatsoever quarter coming-and then at the precise moment that the luckless valet was snuffing the candles, he was abused for not bringing coal, by another for having carried off his tea-cup, sent on an expedition for sugar; by a third for having left the door open, which he had never been near; and so on to the end of the chapter. It chanced that a few evenings previous to my appearance at the house, this indefatigable Caleb was ministering as usual to the various and discrepant wants of the large party as sembled in the drawing-room. With his wonted alacrity he had withdrawn VOL. X. from their obscure retreat against the wall, sundry little tables, destined for the players at whist, or "spoil five"the popular game of the establishment. With a dexterity that savoured much of a stage education, he had arranged the candles, the cards, the counters; he had poked the fire, settled the stool for Miss Riley's august feet, and was busily engaged in changing five shillings into small silver, for a desperate victim of loo-when Mrs. Clanfrizzle's third, and, as it appeared, last time of asking for the kettle, smote upon his ear. His loyalty would have induced him at once to desert every thing on such an occasion; but the other party engaged held him fast, saying— "Never mind her, Peter-you have sixpence more to give me.” Poor Peter rummaged one pocket, then another-discovering at last threepence in copper, and some farthings, with which he seemed endeavouring to make a composition with his creditor for twelve shillings in the pound; when Mrs. Clan's patience finally becoming exhausted, she turned towards Mr. Cudmore, the only unemployed person she could perceive, and with her bland est smile said, "Mr. Cudmore, may I take the liberty of requesting you would hand me the kettle, beside you ?" Now, though the kettle aforesaid was, as the hostess very properly observed, beside him, yet the fact that in complying with the demand, it was necessary for the modest youth to leave the recess he occupied, and, with the kettle, proceed to walk half across the room-then to perform certain manual operations requiring skill and presence of mind, before a large and crowded assembly-was horror to the mind of the poor Jib; and he would nearly as soon have acceded to a desire to dance a hornpipe, if such had been suggested as the wish of the company. However, there was nothing for it; and summoning up all his nerve knitting his brows-clenching his teeth, like one prepared to "do or die," he seized the hissing cauldron, and strode through the room, like the personified genius of steam, very much to the alarm of all the old ladies in the vicinity, whose tasteful drapery benefitted but little from his progress. Yet he felt but little of all this: he had brought up his courage to the sticking place, and he was absolutely half unconscious of the whole scene before 3 D |