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had grown to such a size that, he could not in his present state, contract his limbs so as to get under the table without much trouble. The Chief Steward was for having it altered, in toto, and instead of eighteen legs, have but one. Or bring it to a kind of tripod in imitation of John Bulls dining table. Her Ladyship objected strongly to this, for she said she knew her husbands disposition so well that she was sure he would knock out the brains of any Cabinet Maker who should attempt such an alteration. Jacques replied that in his opinion the amendment was practicable, for let Uncle Sam only be sent off into the army it could be done in a trice while he was absent, and that if once done he was sure he would be pleased with it. But Madam declared that she knew his humor so well, that he would never eat off of it again, that Uncle Sam had always imputed the fault to the inequalities in the floor, and that he would never submit to any alteration in the Table, for she had frequently heard him boast of the number of its supporters, and complain bitterly of the unequal surface of the foundation on which it rested. But upon the entrance of the squire this desultory conversation, yielded to matters of higher moment.
War with Bull had been determined on, and the mind of Uncle Sam had been wrought up in some measure to the occasion. Sangrado, to be sure put the best face on that part of the message which related to the pulse of his master, because he knew very well what suited Jacques, and her Ladyship.
The subject of the Strong box came now under consideration. The Large Genevan Cur, above mentioned had been trained and employed to watch it. And so `extremely docile was he, during the period of his puppy
hood, that his masters taught him to bark once a year in token of his fidelity and success in guarding the Strong box. And some went so far as even to affirm that the Cur gave as many distinct yelps, as there were dollars in the Strong box. It was found on examination that more Cash would be wanted than could be gathered in the ordinary way. It was settled between the Chief Steward and Madam, that Uncle Sam should have a large bundle of Notes struck off at interest which he should sign at his leisure. These should bear interest, and should be considered in all respects, as shadowing forth so much real Cash, as they imputed by their denomination respectively; and should as usual promise to pay, at some given future period. This they both agreed, -would meet all the purposes of so much real treasure. But for form's sake, it was judged best to have the matter debated before the whole family. The matter being laid before the household her Ladyship introduced the subject, and stated the advantages of the scheme. She expatiated at length, on the facility with which this kind of money could be carried and transported. She maintained that being compressible into a small body, it was less liable than any other money to the depredation of thieves and free booters. That Gold and Silver were ponderous, and no man could carry any quantity about him without creating suspicion, holding out a temptation to the crafty, designing and knavish. That a man might carry any given quantity of these notes about him, walk as light as a puppet and appear as tho' he was not worth a stiver. That no one could possibly object to receive the paper, Uncle Sam's respousibility being so well known; consequently any tender law would be totally unnecessary, for like well-brew'd ale, it would work
itself into circulation and credit. And this species of Currency, added her Ladyship, accords well with the genius of the family government; as these notes may be very pertinently termed the representatives of specie, so our government is often called representative. A general nod of assent, was expressed by the Noddles who sat around the room at the conclusion of this harrangue of her Ladyship, but Tom Boston, who happened to be present, and was in the habit of being heard on such occasions, was observed to look rather sour, while Madam was delivering her speech, and, when her Ladyship had finished, rose and made a few observations in reply.
“I imagine, said he that this mode of supplying the Strong box, will not be found, on experiment, to have all the advantages, which this plausible theory seems to promise; nay this mode of creating money, if not properly managed, may produce great inconvenience, and mischief. It will be received for a while, perhaps, with out much difficulty; but it is idle to think of giving it a permanent currency to any considerable amount, upon the mere general reputation of Uncle Sam's responsibility. For altho' this kind of paper has frequently been made to answer the most ordinary and important purposes of Coin, it never can establish itself permanently without having the precious Metals to back it, and for the basis on which it rests. It is not sufficient that a man is worth the full amount, or double, or treble for which he gives his paper. For all property excepting the precious metals, is subject to change, and liable from a thousand causes beyond the control of the most discerning, to lessen, or depreciate. Neither is it sufficient that a man is able to take up his paper, and give a solid consideration, but the fund which constitutes his means,
must be so managed as to afford a facility of meeting his engagements, at all times, and that without any loss to those who hold his paper: and it is further quite material, that his fund, as well as the Stamina, on which depends its occasional repletion, should be so conducted and secured as to place both as much as possible beyond the reach of contingency. Now if Uncle Sam issues these notes, some portion of the revenue, which is least liable to be affected by any changes that can happen, must be pledged for their payment or redemption.-If, as I hear it whispered, we are about to have a contest with Bull, his superiority on the great waters will enable him to sweep our Commerce from the Ocean. Therefore to base your Notes on the revenue to be derived from commerce, would be the height of presumption. You must resort to taxes, Uncle Sam must place his independent farmers between his notes, and that destruction which would otherwise be inevitable. Pursue a different course, and you will shortly see your notes advertised with the prices current annexed, like other vendible property; the substantiated metals will be the standard, by which the relative value will be rated, and the fate of the continental money of the revolution, will be the fate of this. It will be in the end like the manna that fell in the wilderness, "He that gathered much had nothing over, and he that gathered little had enough." I have no expectation, however, that any thing that I have said or can say, will be regarded, this is not the place where important measures are projected, or decided on, in any other way than by mere form, what I have said is the result of my feelings and the motive which prompted me, a sense of duty."
At the close of these remarks, her Ladyship took a huge pinch of Rappee, rung for a servant and asked if dinner was ready? being answered in the affirmative, the conference broke up, but it was evident that her Highness did not relish the sentiments of Tom, much less the boldness with which they were expressed. Some of the servants wondered at the impudence of the fellow, and one in particular was heard to say, in a low voice that he ought to be civilly kicked out of the dining-room.
The cloth being removed the Chief Steward requested a closet interview with her Ladyship on business of importance. Jacques stated that Uncle Sam must be managed in this business with proper address, that he had been listening behind the door and heard the insolent language of Tom Boston. Now said he with the regard to the substantial means Tom is right; the course he has pointed out must be the one, we must finally pursue; but the present is not the time. Events must be ripened for the crisis. Thomas the wise, has said much against taxes, and Uncle Sam has been wonderfully pleased with the doctrine. You know, my Dear, we put old John Braintree out of office by decrying his tax and navy systems. We must be a little softly about this, we inust use policy. Let the contest be brought on immediately. This will set the family in agitation, then we can gag this Yankee scoundrel, and keep him from filling the ear of your beloved Spouse with his hypochondriac stuff, and if he will not assist, at least make him passiveby neutral. The same reason should apply with regard to the forces to carry on the contest. You know how' much we all cried out against John for raising an army without any occasion. There was no war; we told