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Uncle Sam, that John had some evil design against his possessions :-the old Gentleman's choler was inflamed; we raised the Devil about John's ears, he was glad to get out of the way, and by the same means we drove Uncle Sam's former wife out of the house and then posted her as the saying is as "Eloped from bed and Board."
Whether these means were right or wrong, we were obliged to have recourse to them, at the time, in order to get possession of the places we now enjoy. We must go to war in some measure unprepared. We are placed in this sorry predicament, but we must work our way out of it, in the best manner we can. Bring on the contest, and then, we can enlist men, and it is not such a very great number that we shall want. I should be glad, indeed, if we were well out of this cursed scrape, -but I don't see how,-we have said so much against Bull, and battered him so much with our tongues, in order to inflame your Husband against that cursed rogue Tom Boston, that we can't very easily back out. We have borne so many kicks from Nap that he completely despises us, however this we can bear with, and Bull has grown so intolerably insolent, that he cares no more for a proclamation than he does for a paper rag. And there's that Devlish Tom Boston would rib roast us eternally if we should give back now. A bad-a bad scrape, I wish we were well through it. But above all, we have been blowing the coals under Uncle Sam, until we have het him "hissing hot." We have been heating him for these ten years, if we should flinch now we should be put out of our places faster than we ever came into them.- -An unlucky scrape, I wish we were
out of it.
Madam heard the Chief Steward with a great variety of emotions; whenever he came to a pause, she gulped the hot wind from her stomach like a steam engine, and when he had finished his remarks, she replied.
I have had the same opinion with regard to most things; the humor of Uncle Sam must, as you say, be studied and managed. But we must not carry the joke too far; we have in many instances put his faith to a severe trial. When you declared the Berlin and Milan decrees revoked, the ad gentleman had to muster all his credulity to swallow the declaration. Nap dealt us rather a hard measure, when he required of us to make the world believe what he could make nobody believe, that he believed himself. However, we have but one course to pursue, the more the thing is denied, so much the more strongly we must assert it to be true. This was the plan Thomas pursued, and always succeeded. Another thing has been rather hard for Uncle Sam to swallow, the John Henry business. A pretty round sum, to pay for nothing. A scurvy fellow, that Henry, nothing but a take in; we must look out for such characters. A mere political swindler. Aye and what provokes me still more, the cursed Yankees laugh in the sleeve, and even throw it in our teeth, and when the scurvy fellows are reprimanded for their insolence, they turn up their faces and reply, You taught us to be saucy when you repealed the Sedition Law.
It is furthermore not a little unfortunate for us that Thomas the wise before he left the Stewardship boasted that he had so much money, we shall find little enough before we get through this scrape. This was the weak side of this great man, he loved popularity to distrac
tion, and nothing suits these large Landholders so much as to be accounted rich. But it is ever the part of a prudent husband to be modest in speaking of his wealth, that he may not provoke the cupidity of the designing.
AN UNACCOUNTABLE BUSTLE ABOUT THE GREAT WIGWAM
SHAWS AND PACHAS-COUNT SCRATCH-US-OFF'S EXPEDI-
Now war, with all its horrors began to stalk before the rarified imaginations of the knowing ones as they collected spontaneously about the great Wigwam, when the starred and striped ensign waved in party-colored splendor; and Chiefs of high renown came forward with their pretensions to some distinguished post of honor in the service of Uncle Sam, each to receive the rich reward of those faithful and glorious services, not which he had rendered; but which he was ready, under oath, to promise for value received, that he would render sixty or ninety days after date, to that Country which had been the cradle of his birth, the nurse of his infancy, and was about to be the witness of his deeds of fame ;to that beloved parent Uncle Sam, who had so often dandled him on his knee and filled his dish with homminy in his boyish days, watched with paternal vigilance over the sinuous wanderings of his riper years, and bestowed on him the rich inheritance of freedom! It was indeed a most sublime and affecting spectacle! enough to melt a firkin of Boston butter, in the midst of June, (for it was about this time,) at sight of such hallowed patriotism. It was a sight, which a philosopher might contemplate with petrified amazement, which Old Homer
might gaze at with poetic rapture, and which Bunyan himself might view with Hudibrastic fidgets.
Here you might see the aged Hero who had led up the dance at twenty annual elections, offering to prove his claims to preferment, and boasting with what fearless constancy he had set the Electioneering battle in array-There you might behold the pert sleek-booted Jockey, declaring he could buy horses for the service of his liege Uncle better than any other man living. Also the swag-bellied Butcher, importuning for the office of Contractor. But what much surprised all, was the disinterested patriotism of some Newgate Emanci pees, and Tipperary lads vociferating loudly for the unspake-able honor of having an opportunity of laying down their precious lives for their dear native America. And what was still more remarkable, those who from beyond seas, had fled from justice, and had been sold for their passage, were seen to offer the compound oblation of their lives, fortunes and sacred honor. Still as you looked and wondered, the multitude increased and as they multiplied, the heat of their valor was augmented an hundred fold. Direful on that day was the measure of wordy vengeance dealt out to John Bull. His horns were to be knocked off, not a hair was to be left standing on his callous hide, and then horrible to tell! he was to be flayed alive and to be divested of the posterior dignity of a tail and to be driven, in this piteous costume, around the wigwam, as a trophy of patriotic vengeance, to frighten wicked children and for the amusement of the Ladies. Nor were the calamities of the evil-star'd Bull to stop here. His dominions on this side the water were to be taken and sold to pay the expense of "tanning his hide," as it was called. His