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both may feel very much obliged) has had a smattering of the languages in his boyish days, has had the good fortune, if it be any, to see both sides of the walls of a College, has read some, but reflected more. Now if you should have no expectations after hearing all this, you cannot be disappointed on perusing these wonderful adventures; but if disappointment should unfortu nately be your lot, pray call to mind a little school proverb of an inch in length-Non omnes omnia and if that does not satisfy-take Nemo, omnibus horis, sapit. Making you, Sir, a most profound bow, the Author turns, for a moment to the public. With much fear and no little shaking the quill-driver of these sheets, finds himself, engaged in writing a history of the most splen did adventures, that ever passed in this freezing and tbawing world. If the learned reader should find the constituent parts of this wonderful history, partly Biographieal, partly Historical and in some degree quizzícal, and should be at a loss how to name it, he is at full liberty to alter the title to his own liking, and if criticism should sternly insist that, the work has none of the three great requisites, a beginning, a middle and an end, the Author has obligingly fixed the beginning at the first page and the end at the last, leaving every one to place the middle where it best suits him: or the learned critic may make a beginning by reading only a few pages, and an end, by frowning the whole work at once into oblivion, whereby two out of the three requisites, will certainly be produced.
In short, the learned Author, in imitation of high authorities, solicits the indulgence of the public:-1. With regard to the appearance of our common Uncle Sam. Although, he is old enough to be very whimsical, he is
like the Author, a green character on the stage. He will occasionally make his appearance on various parts of it; bouncing like a Sturgeon, sinking out of sight and soon after thundering out at a distant part. Now if any one should be so impertinent as to enquire how he travelled, some of onr Novel-readers, would be the most proper persons to solve the difficulty. 2. It will be ob served that another hand besides the professed author's has fingered occasionally in the work.
This, with the discerning, will form no objection. Of this character will be the next chapter. The learned ancestors of mine uncle Zachary are well known to the Hebrew public. And although the Author at first resolved to have no Mosaic work in the splendid structure, yet it occurred to him that variety ever has its attractions and it is well known that Stanhold and Hopkin's translated Psalms in company. Having said this, the Author submits himself to the acutely censorious, allowing them to use the Birchen rod whenever they can find him.
SOME ACCOUNT OF THOMAS, THE MAGICIAN.
1. AND it came to pass, fell out, or happened, somewhat before the time at which our history begins, that there arose a mighty man in the land, called Thomas, the Magician, on account of his great skill and cunning in dark and mysterious projects.
2. This man when in his full strength, was a mighty man of valor, and withal very tender hearted; insomuch that in the first notable quarrel between John Bull and Uncle Sam, he betook himself to a huge cav ern lest his great strength and valor might do overmuch violence to his enemies.
3. Here he studied magie Necromancy and all the curious arts that serve to make a man great in the eyes of the multitude.
4. This Thomas was moreover, of a religious turn of mind for, whereas Uncle Sam acknowledged only one God, Thomas professed to believe in twenty or none as occasion required: Whence it came to pass that the multitude for the space of many years, cried out "great is Thomas the Magician."
5. And it fell out that in process of time, Thomas fixed his eye on the chief steward ship; for thus he reasoned with himself, Behold now the multitude of the people crieth after me, and although George who is now chief steward, is greatly beloved by the people yet he now governeth the household of Samuel by a new cove-nant unto which divers of them have not willingly con
sented; therefore I will listen diligently, and whenso
ever hear a murmuring, I will say Would it not have been better thus ? forewarn thee?
unto the people, Behold did I not
6. And so it came to pass, that he began to take the servants by the hand, and say unto them, "O that I were made judge in the Land, that any man having a matter, should come to me and I would do him justice."
7. Nevertheless the people were not minded to hearken to him for this time, so that John became chief steward.
8. Yet during the stewardship of Johr, which was fifty and two moons, Thomas ceased not to vex the understanding of the multitude and to cause them to find much fault with the conduct of John and the wife of Samuel, and caused many grievous and sore complaints to be brought against them :
9. Behold said Thomas, how mine Uncle Samuel hath fought in times past against John Bull and hath prevailed, nevertheless he oweth at this time, many talents of silver;
10. Yet John ceaseth not to build ships and to have bowmen and spearmen not a few, and to lay many grievous burthens on the people and crieth out "the Philistines," when no enemy is near, and the whole Land is in peace.
11. And see ye not this woman, in whom the heart of mine Uncle Samuel is bound up, how she walketh in the pride of her imagination, and hath bought many costly ornaments of silk and of purple, and delighteth in hoods and ear-rings and bracelets and nose-jewels and saith I sit a Queen."
12. Moreover, she whispereth in secret and backbiteth and mocketh at all who walk not in her ways and approve not of her evil doings.
13. And thus did Thomas stir up the minds of the people against John and they waxed wroth against John and they thrust him out of the stewardship and said unto Thomas "Reign thou over us." And unto Samuel they said, The counsel of this woman is not good, for she wasteth thy substance
14. Lo! now put her away, and take unto thee the Damsel which Thomas hath provided, for he hath proved her. So Samuel hearkened unto the people and put away his wife, and the thing grieved George sore.
15. Howbeit he put her away and took the damsel, even the woman which Thomas had appointed; and he went in unto her and She became his wife.
16. Now Thomas had instructed her aforetime and said, whenever it shall come to pass that thou shalt rule in the house of Samuel, whatsoever I shall bid you to do, that shalt thou do without gainsaying; and she said, I will.
17. Moreover, Thomas reasoned with himself and said, I have obtained the stewardship by means of deceiving the people, and speaking many things against the acts of all those that have gone before me. Now I will consider not what is wise and just to be done; but what George and John have done, and as they have done, so will I not do.
18. So he straightway thrust out all the servants of the Kitchen and of the household, even the chief Butler and chief Baker, (for he said, lest they make known my deeds) and put others in their stead. And unto