am sure of, and if war with John Bull is necessary to secure it again, war it shall be. When my predecessor caused the repeal of the internal duties he regarded present not future good, for the popular cry then was, "no taxes." And when the public voice says war and taxes, so it must be; no matter by what means that voice has been produced, or influenced."

Thus ejaculated the chief steward, Sangrado made a profound bow and repaired to the tent of Uncle Sam, whom he found smoking his pipe, and in a posture more than usually thoughtful. Well, said mine Uncle, Sangrado, what is the serious world about? What news of Bull, what of Nap, what says the chief Steward, do we have war or peace? I begin to grow tired of this state of things. If we have war, Sangrado, I must tell you I am not a little fearful of this nag Democracy, a fine Beast, O as true as the needle, a fine Beast to ride to Elections on and manage state affairs in time of peace; but in war, when the battle rages, I am afraid, -ah I am afraid the restive truant wont like the smell of powder; ah and its no trifling affair to meet John Bull in the field, I've try'd it once I know all about it I had a different horse when I met him at Bunker-hill, at Saratoga, at Trenton and Yorktown.-Ah the good old horse Buckskin-Yankee-George could manage him, aye he knew him, there was no more dodge to him than there is to Mount Andes ;-these were golden days for the fame of Uncle Sam, this accursed French Colt was not hatched then.

Oh fie, your honor replied the Squire, never was a better beast since asses came in fashion-full of mettle, I have tried him at tilting and thrusting, and at pursuing a flying and disarmed foe there is not his equal in

creation and really sir, if the contest comes on, it is expected there will be little else to do than pick up stragglers: War once declared, Bull with all his colors will fly at the mere sound of your name. Your honor's Lady has declared, and certainly she knows, that five thousand men will scour the whole Country, and march into Quebec. This she had from Peter the fisherman, who lives on the borders of Bulls dominions, and may be considered as knowing more about the matter than any one of your Honor's family. This Peter is an uncommon wag, it was but lately, when "he girt his Fishers coat about him," that he perceived it was turned inside out and perceiving the joke pleased your Lady, he has worn it so ever since-the surname "fisherman" has been appended to his name, on account of the fishing disposition he has shewn after an office, and if war is declared, we can do no less than make him contractor.-Besides we have the testimony of the Thunder and lightning-man, called by Tom Boston, the southern glow-worm-he has declared Bull and all his race to be a set of cowardly caitiffs, and that one of your free-born soldiers will drive a thousand of his slaves. Yea, he went so far as to declare that "if he had the command of the red Artillery of Heaven, he would drive that fast anchored Isle from its moorings." -But think once your Honor, what such a man would do if made General;—even these words once fairly set in a proclamation, as we put the words "Genuine Republicans," at the head of our Election Bills, my word for it, Bull would faint with fear, before he had half finished the reading.

as,

Uncle Sam rejoined; I know that the steward, Thomand my Wife have had great faith in this wordy

armour, they have learnt this from Nap; but I'll tel you Sangrado, betwixt you and me, I have no great faith in such nostrums. True, I have given up the management to her and the Chief Steward, and whatever plan they devise I am in duty bound to execute. But I must insist that I know John Bull better than all of you; I know he is a villainous tyrannical dog; but I know also, that he is no coward, and that when once we get him into a corner and have raised his anger as I have seen it, we shall want something besides the nine parts of Speech to fight him with. You might then show him a string of adverbs as long as my garters, printed in letters, as large as mill-posts, you could not start him to wink his eye. You tell about Peter the Fisherman, give me no Peter but salt-petre, to fight Bull with, and that well made into double cannon powder. And then there's your Thunder and lightning man-all wind, all stuff. I tell you, John Bull, once in a rage as I've seen him, would snuff up an army of such fellows at one pump of his nose, and not known that any think had happened. Besides, my honest Squire, I'll tell you, if I am to fight, be it known, that Uncle Sam will never have the reputation of going to war with a coward, he will never put on his armor to pursue a dastard fugitive enemy, and for this plain reason, I am no coward myself. Now tell my Lady and the Chief Steward from me, if war with Bull is determined on, to put the family in readiness, my boys have pluck, they have the matter in them, but then, they are to be taken from the plough and the shop, they have not used their arms for thirty years, a little practice will make them fine fellows; but then give me enough of them, dont send me into Canada with five thousand or ten thousand,

don't coop me up like a mouse in a bee-hive with tea thousand angry devils buzzing about my ears, blocking up the hole I went in at and stinging me into torments, give me enough to see fair play, and Uncle Sam will give the world a good account of himself—Uncle Sam is no coward; no, Bunker-hill knows that.-Aye, and there's another thing, see that the big guns are in readiness, all cleaned and fit for service. Let my old military suit be brushed up, and such articles as are wanting in any part of my armor, let them be supplied; don't send me off in quest of adventures like Don-Quixote with a paste-board vizor, give me my old Beaver, it has weathered the storms of forty years, it's the best hat now in Christendom. See that we have plenty of provisions and cash for the expedition; I have been through one war, and have smarted enough for the want of these things. Take time more slowly and surely, war is not the work of a day; dont let us like the brainsick Knight of La Mancha, get three days' journey from home before we know whether we want either meat or drink. Uncle Sam lives by eating and drinking.

Softly your worship, said Sangrado, for I suspect Tom Boston, is lurking about us, he is a troublesome guest, whenever he meets one, he is always boring away about French influence and such nonsense ;-But, to the purpose. I intreat your honor, to put yourelf to no further trouble about the preparation for the war, and to indulge no fear for the issue of the contest.-For to tell you the plain truth, war has been for some time determined on, and our friend Nap has promised to give Bull full employment on the other side of the water, so that he will be able to spare very few of his men tọ

annoy us ;-We must keep in with this Nap, for after we once get Bull on his back, we may want his assistance to put Tom Boston down. For in fact as the chief steward and your Honor's Lady says, there can be no peace so long as Bull is permitted to exercise his intolerable tyranny on the big waters, the great highway of nations, and as for this insolent Tom Boston there is no end to his impudence. Let the decclaration once come out and we'll soon put to silence all his noise about French influence-and French Spoliations. Hold hold said Uncle Sam, I'll have no quarrelling in my family. I know Tom is a self sufficient fellow, but he knows his place, he acted his part well formerly, he'll not interrupt our business; let there be no quarreling in the family I say, for if war is once on, we shall need all our strength; besides John Bull is too strong for us on the water, and we must depend entirely on Tom Boston to handle him there. Aye I know Tom, he understands handling an oar and pointing a gun, only give him the same weight of metal that Bull carries and he'll send all his ships to the Devil.-I say have peace in the family. Tom is a little waspish just now he has been deprived for some time past of his accustomed trade at sea, be a little softly, he complains of Nap, and not without some reason, for that Corsican puppy has used us but scurvily to tell the truth-he has taken and burnt our ships, imprisoned our Sailors, and sequestered the property of our Merchants, and we have not made half the noise about the whole, that we did about Bull's attack on the Chesapeake.— But once more to the purpose, how are our harbors to be defended? I wish now we had those ships which that Philosophic Steward of mine, sold to raise mon

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